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by Andrew Fuller
Every day, many parents and teachers struggle with challenging (and lovable) children who have willful personalities. These are often kids who are stubborn, defiant, determined, free-spirited or just plain difficult. Yet while they may be hard work, they are often the movers and shakers of the future. Many of history's great achievers, political leaders and national figures were forceful children.
How can parents and teachers learn to manage these kids, and help them to change and develop the positive life habits - including an awareness of others, dealing with anger, staying focused and forming true friendships - that they sorely need?
For over 25 years, clinical psychologist Andrew Fuller's work has involved discussions with hundreds of thousands of parents and their children from infancy to adolescence. In Tricky Kids he explains how to view the stages of these children's development and so understand their moods.
In Tricky Kids he helps parents and teachers recognise the needs of children who are the manipulators, the negotiators, the debaters, the competitors, the dare devils and the passive resisters of this world.
From Tricky Kids:
The provocative question is a method used by many parents, and it is 100 percent guaranteed to cause an argument. Examples of provocative questions include:
'Have you got any homework?'
'Have you cleaned your room?' (When it's clear they haven't).
'You don't think you are going out looking like that, do you?'
'How many times do I have to tell you?'
'What were you thinking?'
'I suppose you can explain why your school report looks like this, can you?'
If you want to get a tricky kid into defensive argument mode, ask a provocative question. It will entertain them and exasperate you, sparking off a debate that will last for hours.
Turn provocative questions into definite, clear statements. Some examples are:
'Okay, it's homework time.'
'Let's get the room cleaned up for dinner.'
'I'd like to remind you of our agreement.'
'Let's chat about how to help you with school.'
Andrew Fuller is a clinical psychologist and family therapist based in Melbourne. He has established programs for the promotion of mental health in schools, substance abuse prevention, the reduction of violence and bullying, suicide prevention, and programs for assisting homeless young people. Andrew is the author of Help Your Child Succeed At School, Raising Real People and Beating Bullies, and he has co-authored 'The Heart Masters', a series of programs for the promotion of resilience and emotional intelligence used in over 3,500 schools in Britain and Australia.
Paperback. 224 pages.
Parenting
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